Study Confirms: Stuffed Penn Teddy Bears Are Adorable

By: Leigh Ann Preston

In a recent study performed by scientists at the Penn Alumni Relations office, experts confirmed that when promised a chance at winning an adorable, cuddly Penn Teddy bear simply by registering for events online, Penn Alumni were 67% more likely to follow through and register for said online events.

“I never thought I could win a Penn Teddy bear.  It’s like all of my dreams are amalgamating into one soothing package of fluffiness.  And all I had to do was sign up for my reunion online?” says one Penn Alum, who chose to remain anonymous.

“Seriously, the Penn Alumni Relations people know what they’re doing,” added another alum.  “I’ve heard of prizes as motivators before, but at this point I really think a Penn Teddy bear would be the only thing that could get me to do anything.  I wish my employer would pay me in direct deposit Penn Teddy bears.”

“We’ve really never seen anything like it before,” says the Assistant Vice President of Prizes and Giveaways.  “We used to promise Apple products to randomly selected registrants, and we only saw a small increase in online registration.  Now that we’ve implemented the possibility of winning a Penn Teddy bear, registration has skyrocketed.”

This is an alum who is over the moon about winning a Penn Teddy bear. She is 49% happier now that she owns it.

After hours of questioning, this alum was determined to be 84% more content with life now that he owns a Penn Teddy bear.


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Filed under Alumni Weekend, Leigh Ann P.

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